Sometimes, I really mess up. Sometimes, I think my sin is bigger than God’s grace. Sometimes, I feel like a complete failure when it comes to being a good person or following Christ.
But, it’s all a lie. Because although we sin, God’s grace and mercy is bigger than that. It’s too much to take in sometimes. It almost seems impossible, really.
Recently (okay, today) I felt like a complete screw up. I knowingly disobeyed God, feeling as though I was spitting in His face. Even though I asked God to forgive me and help me turn away from my sin, I didn’t feel like asking. Why? Because I knew I didn’t deserve it. I still don’t, I guess. I felt like I didn’t want God to love me because He deserves way better than me. I didn’t feel worthy enough of His mercy and thus, didn’t even want to ask. I felt like a disappointment.
So, for the past two days I’ve been walking around with my head in the sand. I’ve felt like a disgrace, like the worst sinner ever alive. While I was in my own self pity, I felt like I should read Psalm 13. Here is what it says:
How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
Honestly, I didn’t even feel worthy enough to read that verse and call God my Lord. But, I love what it says in verse 5 – “…my heart rejoices in your salvation.” What is salvation? Salvation is deliverance from the power or penalty of sin; redemption.
Woah.
How amazing is that? When we think our sin is too much, God is our salvation. When we are full of shame and disgrace, God is our salvation. When we flop, when we fail, when we stumble, God is our salvation!
His salvation, his deliverance, his grace and mercy, brings us to Him and allows us to sing praises to Him. Though we are unworthy, God is not angry. It says in Isaiah 12 that He has turned His anger away. He is not striking us when we sin, although there are consequences to sin. He is patiently and anxiously awaiting our return to Him.
Will you listen to the call?
You bring the psalms to life… Thank you!